You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
A day without laughter is a day wasted.