Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.