Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?