I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.