He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I'm single because I was born that way.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.