I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.