When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.