I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.