If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I'm single because I was born that way.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.