I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.