May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.