Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Women are made to be loved not understood.