I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.