I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps