I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
No good deed goes unpunished.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.