I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.