A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.