One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.