My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.