Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.