I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.