I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.