Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.