No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.