I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.