Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I'm single because I was born that way.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Men are as faithful as their options.