I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.