The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.