You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?