If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?