Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.