I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.