A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.