When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.