It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.