There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Men are as faithful as their options.