I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.