Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.