I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
