You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.