I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.