Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.