War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
