Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.