I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.