There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.