Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.