In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.