If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.