You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.