The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.