War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.