The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

No good deed goes unpunished.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.