When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.