Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.