Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.