I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.