I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
No good deed goes unpunished.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.