I'm single because I was born that way.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.