I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.