If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.