I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.