Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?