That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.