I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

No good deed goes unpunished.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.