I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.