Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.