Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Men are as faithful as their options.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.