A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.