I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

It is better to be alone than in bad company.