My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I'm single because I was born that way.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.