I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

I'm single because I was born that way.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.