I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.