Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Sex is an emotion in motion.