Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.