Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.