He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.