Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.