It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Men are as faithful as their options.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.