My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
