The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.