A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.