A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.