This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Men are as faithful as their options.