When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.