I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.