A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I'm single because I was born that way.