Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.