I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.