I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.