Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.