He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.