That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

I'm single because I was born that way.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.