A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.